In this post I generalise quiet a bit, please keep that in mind when you read it. I don't think that everyone everywhere is like this but in my experience many are. As always, what I want to do is provoke thought, discussion and realisation. Enjoy and don't forget to drop your own thoughts and opinions in the comments.
99% of us will, at some point in our lives, have a relationship. It is, after all, the natural order of our existence. We naturally seek affection and comfort in another, be it a member of the same or opposite sex. Unfortunately for some strange reason we all tend to over complicate this most basic human need. Despite what men say about women and vice versa it is EVERYONE'S fault. As I sit writing this on a beautiful Tuesday morning in a cafe in Coven Garden there are 10 pairs sitting around me. All are in different stages of their relationship. Some are clearly just getting to know each other, others have obviously been together for a long time. What is evident in almost all of them is that there is a definite interest in the other. Maybe it's the fresh London air, Coven Garden atmosphere or the sunshine but I don't understand why it cannot be like this all the time, for everyone.
Ladies: you make it so complicated for us guys. Many of you don't know what it is that you want in life and you, foolishly, allow that to transfer over to your relationships. You behave much like a traffic light, sometimes you are green other times you are red and on occasion you drop a yellow that, to put simply, mind fucks us completely. Be simple and straightforward with us, tell us what you do or don't want. Many of you, especially when you are younger tend to chase assholes. Leaving the kinder, gentler guys thinking they are somehow inferior. What's worse is that when the asshole inevitably breaks your heart you simple find another one just like him. Have some respect for yourself and find a guy who will respect you and care about you, not someone who will treat you like a piece of meat. What I have discovered recently is that many of you ladies have some sort of issue with saying no. I simply don't understand why you would agree to go on a date then postpone it 10 times hoping we get the hint. Just tell us no! It's less of a pain and hassle for everyone that way. If you end up in bed with someone you aren't attracted to simply because you couldn't say no, it's your own damn fault! Those of you who complain that you can't find a "decent" guy aren't being open enough. Try new things, go out on a date with someone you wouldn't otherwise date. Who knows, you might realise you have a totally different "type". We live in a world where women scream for equality, yet you still behave as if its the 17th century and men still have to "court" you. Approach a guy if you like him, start a conversation. Sometimes we are shy and don't really know if you are willing for us to approach. Take the charge and make the first move yourself! Most importantly: stop playing games! If you want a guy to "chase" you then you are more interested in the game than the guy/relationship and you deserve neither. No matter how many bad relationships you have had or how bad your last breakup was it is never a good idea to swear off relations. All you are doing is lying to yourself. The next guy that you reject because you think you think it's a never ending cycle of getting hurt could be your soul mate. And if you continue to get hurt relationship after relationship then it's time to reevaluate the type of guy you date, or reevaluate yourself. Just because us guys don't always have something to say doesn't mean something is wrong or we don't want to be with you at that moment. I personally sometimes prefer to share silence, cuddle up on the grass and stare up into the sky rather than share meaningless words. Some of us are introverts, some extroverts and some are somewhere in the middle. Find an approach to him and you will discover that no matter what sort of person he might be there is almost always something that is interesting and intriguing about him. It might take time, but its there, trust me. In the bedroom it's not all up to the guy, you need to put in effort too otherwise it becomes a one way street which inevitably comes to a dead end.
Gentlemen: lets face it: from roughly the age of 15 all we think about is sex. It's not our fault, it's how we are biologically programmed. But that doesn't mean we fully give in to our primal instinct and treat women as disposable assets. Women deserve respect, kindness and attention. If you aren't ready for that than you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. Stop being assholes, it doesn't make you "cool" when you pick up and drop girls like gloves. Be honest, talk about your feelings. Girls are generally overly emotional and we are under-emotional. Try to meet somewhere in the middle. If you remain cold and don't show any emotion at all your relationship will end very quickly. Pay attention and look after yourself. Just like you judge girls on their looks they will judge you as well. Trim your nails, go for a run once in a while,wash your cloths, shower for gods sake! Don't take your date to McDonald's, try to be romantic and thoughtful. Friends are important but so is your girlfriend, make time for her or else she will stop making time for you. Lets face the truth here: we don't all look like Brad Pit or David Beckham but we all have your strengths; use them. Make yourself interesting through intelligence, charisma and experiences. Be funny, girls love to laugh. In the bedroom it's not all about you, in fact it's more 25% about you and 75% about her. Pay attention to what she likes and what gets her going. Don't go straight for the finish line if you haven't ran the marathon yet. Take your time, it's more about the journey than the destination. Most importantly: show that you care.
Stop over complicating it. Take it day by day. Don't start swearing eternal love 10 days into a relationship. Don't start thinking about your next 20 years together, rushing things is almost never a good idea. Keep your relationship private. It's no one's business but your own what's happening between you and your other half. Don't fight on Facebook, don't change your relationship status to "it's complicated" every other day. Be honest, there is no worse feeling then to be lied to by someone you care about. If you no longer have feelings for him/her tell them straight. It's better to end it now than to stretch it out and and make the both of you suffer longer. If you don't feel wanted or cared for talk about it, if that doesn't help then finish it and move on; there is absolutely no point in beating a dead horse.
Ladies, we aren't all assholes. If all you see is assholes then its time to start looking elsewhere. The less assholes you date then less assholes there will be in the world, they will simply die out. Guys: treat women in much the same way you would treat your mother. At the end of the day it's up to you to decide who you want to date but think about giving everyone a chance, you never know what could come of it. It's might just be the relationship that lasts for the rest of your life.
